Resilience is something I’ve thought about deeply – both in my personal life, as a survivor of complex trauma, and in my professional life as a therapist. Our journeys towards resilience are deeply personal, shaped by individual experiences, challenges, and victories – both visible and invisible.
During the holidays, I found some time to read Stephanie Foo’s book What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma. In it, she writes,
"When scientists and psychologists provide case studies of resilient individuals, they do not showcase a housekeeper who has overcome personal tragedy and now has impressive talents at self-regulation. They write about individuals who survived and became doctors, teachers, therapists, motivational speakers—sparkly members of society. Resilience, according to the establishment, is not a degree of some indeterminable measure of inner peace. Resilience is instead synonymous with success."
Foo’s words challenge us to reconsider how we define and measure resilience, amidst other things.
To me, resilience is the ability to adapt, to move forward (or stay still) in the face of hardship, and to cultivate a sense of self-worth amid life’s challenges. Being resilient involves loving ourselves and treating ourselves with compassion. It’s about being open and curious about the experiences of others. It’s not about the titles we accumulate or the sparkle we project to the world. Resilience can be found in quiet moments of perseverance – a parent holding their family together, a caregiver showing up for others, or someone simply striving to heal or get out of bed in the morning.
Her quote is a reminder that resilience isn’t just about pushing through or achieving more; it’s about understanding ourselves, setting boundaries, and reclaiming peace – on our own terms. This was an important personal reminder for me during the holidays, as I expand Umbrella Insights, and grow my little family, too. It was a reminder to work at a pace that works for me.
I celebrate every form of resilience. Whether your victories are loud or quiet, public or private, they matter. I honour the diverse ways we all adapt, survive, and thrive.
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